It has been seven days since my last post and I refuse to apologize for that. Most bloggers would, but I am not them. So, seven days. I have been busy. I just got back from making a cameo in the homeland. America. Atrocious public transport and crumbling bridge pillars. A third world country that doesn’t know it yet. It was all gray and all slush and Jeb Bush was on CNN. He wants a job that pays only a fraction of what he currently earns.
Fireworks on the homefront. A high school friend is getting divorced because his wife fucked somebody else. It wasn’t me, I was gone. My uncle and his wife have separated. One of my best friends and his wife have also separated. And my parents have split as well and so I spent my time shuttling between both camps engaging in a delicate dance of postwar diplomacy. My one complaint is that it didn’t happen earlier; why couldn’t this have happened when I was 7 so I could have milked it for sympathy from girls in high school. Drama is attractive. Coming from a stable home is a nightmare for virgins.
Someone stole my sweatshirt at the gym. Our bartender one night had a Ph.D. He works at Applebees because there are too many smart people. Now some other would-be bartender is freezing in a sewer somewhere. What hope would I have in this place. And you have to tip waitstaff. What a hellscape. I have PTSD. I understand the veterans now. I did three days on the ground and then pulled a Jesus and came back to Korea.
Back to Korea, to lowered expectations and an arena where I won’t get eaten alive. To playing without a salary cap, essentially. It can be too easy. I got back to my villa Friday night and got my shirts from the dry cleaners. I went out into the neon of Seoul and we burned the place down and I resurfaced two days later.
On Sunday morning I thought about my nephew at home. He is ten months old and inspires vague feelings of hope and goodness within me. Then I had an epiphany about trying to be a better person. Then I remembered I had the same epiphany the Sunday before and I’d forgotten about it.