New Look

I switched it up and grew out my beard this week as a show of testosterone. As proof that I carry the soul of a Viking marauder within me. I want my students to wilt before me as their instincts warn them that I can and most likely will rip their spines out through their throats. I want for sparks to shoot between the labia lips of women observing this secondary sex characteristic. For tingles to reach all the way up to the uterus in anticipation of my Goliath sperm. This is what I want but when I went out today it was clear the look had backfired and that beards have been hijacked in the modern era. The only people who have noticed are telling me I look like I lost a bet, or like I’m a hipster, or like I’m already 30.


Author: Fred Colton

Fred is just another guy online.

2 thoughts on “New Look”

  1. I DO like reading your fantasy blog. It reminds me of me 2 generations ago. But, it is interesting how you keep the persona of a 16 y.o. going in such a boring real job and…… here.
    My mate still finds it funny when I refer to other people as old. She reminds me that in the whole world there aren’t many people older than me. But I’m sure I don’t look that old. I grew a beard a while ago – a sexy evil Count type thing and she just shrugged. But half a dozen neighbours asked me was I well when I went public. (I’d been locked in my garret writing truthful things about the coming end of everything).

    God, I’m glad I’ve got wild memories! Korea? For pambies. I frequented places like K.L. and Hong Kong when you actually were careful where you went after dark. THe night in Bangkok when 3 of us were bent over and staggering out of a Bar in “undertown” – so-called because BK is/was sinking and the doorway was down to 5 feet high – when a little Thai ran out of the night shouting as he rammed an old USA Issue 45 Automatic into my gut and pulled the trigger.
    It is true, everything does slow down at critical times: I saw the hammer hit and grabbed for the barrel knowing it was an eon too late.
    There was a giant bang, but as it transpired, that was my friend shooting the little Thai with his favourite 357 that he used in his own job. I was amazed. I always thought getting hit by one of those things would make you fly backwards. He just sprayed blood all over us and fell down. My friend – who knew such things – told me that only happened in the movies. (This was in the 70’s)
    As we learned later, when my friends got me away and managed to finally prise the gun out of my hand, it had simply misfired – the loader spring was rusted and junked.
    I learned three object lessons from that:
    1. Till then I believed I was invincible.
    2. Go armed whenever possible with a well-maintained weapon.
    3. OR don’t go anywhere dangerous.

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