My First Book Is Out

All right. I made a bunch of stuff up and wrote it down and now it’s a book. And you can download it right here:

A huge shoutout goes to Mr. Vern Lovic—perhaps you can call him the Obi-Wan of ebooks—for his sharing his wisdom during this long march to publishing.

So, the book. I have to allow myself one jackoff post about this thing.

What it is:

The Colony. Action/futuristic thriller/a bit of mystery. An American lunar colony is bombed and an Air Force pilot is framed for it. He ends up stuck on the moon with less than an hour of oxygen in his suit and a platoon of Marines gunning for him. That, and much, much more. I had a lot of fun with it and I hope you will too.

Plot Blueprint:

Apollo 13 plus some Craig-era Bond transplanted onto a Die Hard framework. With one long lunar chase scene, of which I am especially fond, that I call the Mad Max scene.

Background:

-I didn’t have a TV when I was a kid but I had a library. It was right down the street. I was always there. And I always had a feeling I’d end up as a writer.

-But I never really wrote anything until I was vacationing in Thailand in early 2011. I picked up two John Grisham books to get me through a night bus ride. And I don’t know who the hell you all have been reading but the #1 New York Times bestselling John Grisham I read is the literary equivalent of blue balls. It’s like the man goes to answer the doorbell while he’s writing the third act and then forgets to finish the book.

This is climax of The Pelican Brief: the protagonists are in a newspaper office writing a story while an assassin waits for them outside. So, they just don’t go outside. The End.

This is the climax of The Brethren: Three incarcerated judges blackmail the U.S. government and demand payment and release from prison. The U.S. government pays them and releases them and The End.

-I thought: this guy is a stupid clown. But people love him. I’m also a stupid clown, so this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to write a thriller.

-Then I stole Michael Connelly’s The Lincoln Lawyer from an island hostel and started learning how to do things right. Not that I’ve mastered it yet.

Publication:

-I wrote the book and a literary agency that I was working with wanted me to rewrite it as a young adult book because those sell more. Because this was 2013 and if you weren’t the Hunger Games then you were trying to be the Hunger Games. When I said no, our arrangement fell through.

-So Amazon it was.

-The thought of which would have made me jump out a window if I hadn’t already had that little shred of validation. Out of the 76 or whatever agencies I queried, one of them did not hate my book and wanted to do edits with me. That’s all you need, one shred of validation. I’ve kept that thing tucked close like the case with the nuclear launch codes.

Now:

-I am naked. That’s what you are when your book goes live. I woke up this morning and thought about it sitting there online and was too afraid to open my eyes. I thought: what have I done. I wanted to go back in time to Thailand and make my bus crash so I wouldn’t have to live to see this day. I am horrified. If I look at myself long enough in the mirror I can actually see the stress burning my hair white.

-Because what if people think a character’s last name is stupid. What if some trolls jizz out all the plot twists in a one-star review. What if everyone hates it.

-Well good. You want to be reviled. It’s better than being obscure.

-But what if it’s a failure. Well then let’s fail hard and get the failure out of the way. So I can rebuild and make my adjustments for when I go again. There’s more stuff to write. I mean, I live in Korea and teach fifth graders how to ask what time the birthday party starts. What the fuck else am I gonna do.

But really, though:

-My book, I think you’ll like it. Unlike John Grisham I can say that I respect your investment as a reader and know how to end a motherfucking book. OK, that’s it for now. Stop reading this and go download The Colony right here.

Love,

Fred

Advertisements

26 thoughts on “My First Book Is Out

  1. YOU DID IT! I am so proud. 🙂

    Haha, I didn’t know you were also a John Grisham fan. I read “A Time to Kill” for a summer reading assignment and it’s still my favorite of his. Ah, I need to read “The Lincoln Lawyer,” but I have seen the movie.

    But most of all, I am going to read “The Colony.”

    1. I need to read A Time to Kill. This Grisham guy can’t be THAT bad. Funnily enough both that and The Lincoln Lawyer star Matthew McConaughey as a lawyer. All right all right all right. I hope you like The Colony. If not, just lie and say you did.

  2. Congratulations Fred! I published my first novel in 2013. It’s a huge deal and a huge step, no matter what happens after that. I wish you all the success getting it in front of the eyes of your fans.

  3. Congratulations on publishing your first book! You are now where I want to be in a few years, even if it means more stress added to my life. I can’t wait to download and read your work; I very much look forward to it.

  4. Congratulations!!! Wishing you many, many readers and great reviews. You’re all ready way ahead of all the others who just talk about writing that novel but never make it happen. Hats off to ya!

  5. Done. Sitting in my Kindle que waiting for some down time to read it. And you have a point about Grisham. Gene Hackman and Wilford Brimley were the best part of the movie version (The Firm). That guy who played the lead, what’s-his-name, was so-so. The book wasn’t too bad but had to put it down half way through, Memphis needed a dose of Elvis to spice it up.

    1. Glad I’m not the only one who thought that about Grisham. Even the end of The Firm felt lame and limp after all the build-up. “I’ll make a video and then get on a boat.”

  6. Congratulations. I have just made the purchase for £1.99 on the UK Amazon store, cheaper than the Pelican Brief. Just thought I’d let you know before you spread your limbs across the Koreas.

  7. Welcome to the jungle of self-publishing! A great Australian author named John Zanetti told me about your blog early this year and I’ve been reading it ever since and just waiting for your damn book to come out. I’m glad I can finally sink my teeth into something big. I hope I love it.

    I just bought it, it’s on my Kindle Fire, and I’m not only bumping it to the top of my TBR list, I’m going to set aside the good book I’m reading to read yours instead.

    One last thought – it occurred to me that one way to really get some good publicity would be if you got blown to smithereens by some NK artillery fire. “American Author First Casualty of Renewed North/South Hostilities”. Otherwise you’re gonna have to work really hard to get the word out. Just a thought.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s