Most Improved

Reading some Raymond Chandler in the café. A story called Spanish Blood. It’s a masterwork and I hate it. I like reading terrible writing instead. Gives me hope and a shot of high-octane arrogance. When I read something I like it makes me angry. Makes it hard for me to maintain the delusion that I am The King. Good writing offends me with its existence. I can only handle for a few paragraphs before I want to put it down and try my own thing. Raymond Goddamn Chandler, you smug fuck. Sitting around with that ornery pipe and Dwight Schrute hair. I’m glad you’re dead. I only read good writing so I can hijack what works. Only pursue new influences so that I can get better at writing. Which is actually a waste of time, now that I think about it. I don’t need to get better at writing. None of us do. Because no one moves units like James Patterson. Motherfucker’s Viagra pills probably have gold flakes baked in.


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Author: Fred Colton

Fred is just another guy online.

13 thoughts on “Most Improved”

  1. This is so good! Everything is spot on. Granted I’m a pretty positive person most of the time, but still, other times I’ll read a book or script that I know is a masterpiece and I’ll wonder about my own abilities, or the combined abilities of my dad and I. This piece is hilarious too, sometimes all you can do is laugh and keep on keeping-on.


    -The JO in JoMarkCreative

  2. Being a mediocre writer is easy. Making a living at it, not so much. Being the next EL James is like pushing a pig through the eye of a needle. I say do the work. Doing something well is it’s own reward.

    Although having agents fight over you is pretty sweet too.

  3. Ahh yeah I know this feeling. Every time I pick up a great book I want to rewrite my whole manuscript. Two positives though: firstly – often I can find at least one thing that I’m (in my opinion) better at doing. Whether that’s characterisation or speculative aspects, I’m still filled with some hope by finding that one comparative strength in my own work. Secondly, I almost always learn something by the time I’ve put it down. Hope you enjoy many more hatefuly good books!

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