WOMEN: why can’t I have all of you. It’s unfair that I can’t. I refuse to accept that any woman, anywhere in the world, has ever been in love with any other man 100%. She’s always been holding back just a hairbreadth of a degree, thinking: there must be something out there slightly better than this. And there is; that something is me. I find it blasphemous and insulting that any woman, at any point in human history, could have ever experienced lust for any other man besides me. For I am Frederick Maximus Colton, Kindle ebook superstar, blog-haver and charming drunk. Please don’t make me have to remind you how incredible I am again.