My first book, the lunar action-thriller The Colony, has been out for about a month. Here’s what the reviews are saying:
“Magical… by remixing just twenty-six different black ‘letters’ on a white page in multiple variations, Fred Colton has created a story that you can actually see inside your head.”
-Janet Maslin, New York Times
“Impeccable. To research The Colony, Fred Colton flew to the moon over a dozen times and spent thousands of hours hiking the lunar surface. He also lived on a diet of dehydrated space food for three full years and this dedication is evident on the page.”
–Barry M. Smith, Amazon.com top 500 reviewer.
“Colton cranks the tension in his action scenes tighter than a trampoline, or a cat’s asshole.”
–Stephen W. Howland, Kirkus Reviews
“My name is Ryan and I’m an alcoholic. The Colony is the reason I stopped drinking. What happened was that I got too hooked on the book to go crack open another Miller Genuine Draft. Now I’m sober and have rejoined the workforce. Best of all, I was able to re-sell the rest of the MGD six-pack to a homeless man for a 150% markup, because he didn’t know the real price! Thank you, Fred Colton.”
–Ryan Schiff, newest inductee into the Boise chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous.
“If (when?) Fred Colton ever gets famous, you’re going to feel pretty dumb for not buying this book in 2015. Reading this book today will be like knowing Barack Obama in 1983. Everyone is saddled with regrets; why take on another one?”
-Fred Colton, fredcolton.com
“Fred Colton came to my coven to have a séance with Lance Armstrong. I didn’t understand why, until he was leaving and he muttered something about researching a book about the moon. It was then that I realized he had meant to have a séance with Neil Armstrong, not Lance. I already had his money though, so I didn’t say anything. Also, I don’t think he realizes that Lance Armstrong is still alive.”
–Katrina Van Pelt, Wiccan priestess.
“Fred Colton is a desperate no-name indie writer who paid me to review his book. I didn’t actually read it. But then I started getting into water cooler conversations about The Colony at work, and now I have to pretend I know what people are talking about. I should probably actually read it. People seem to enjoy it.”
–Reviewer-for-hire who goes by the freelancer handle “Quick Mick.”
“If pilots open this book in mid-flight, 747s will begin raining from the sky. It is now the stated mission of the FAA, due to the hyper-engaging nature of The Colony, to keep this book away from all airline pilots.”
–Michael P. Huerta, Director of the Federal Aviation Administration