Praise for “The Colony”

Colony Pic

My first book, the lunar action-thriller The Colony, has been out for about a month. Here’s what the reviews are saying:

“Magical… by remixing just twenty-six different black ‘letters’ on a white page in multiple variations, Fred Colton has created a story that you can actually see inside your head.”

-Janet Maslin, New York Times

“Impeccable. To research The Colony, Fred Colton flew to the moon over a dozen times and spent thousands of hours hiking the lunar surface. He also lived on a diet of dehydrated space food for three full years and this dedication is evident on the page.”

–Barry M. Smith, Amazon.com top 500 reviewer.

“Colton cranks the tension in his action scenes tighter than a trampoline, or a cat’s asshole.”

–Stephen W. Howland, Kirkus Reviews

“My name is Ryan and I’m an alcoholic. The Colony is the reason I stopped drinking. What happened was that I got too hooked on the book to go crack open another Miller Genuine Draft. Now I’m sober and have rejoined the workforce. Best of all, I was able to re-sell the rest of the MGD six-pack to a homeless man for a 150% markup, because he didn’t know the real price! Thank you, Fred Colton.”

–Ryan Schiff, newest inductee into the Boise chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous.

“If (when?) Fred Colton ever gets famous, you’re going to feel pretty dumb for not buying this book in 2015. Reading this book today will be like knowing Barack Obama in 1983. Everyone is saddled with regrets; why take on another one?”

-Fred Colton, fredcolton.com

“Fred Colton came to my coven to have a séance with Lance Armstrong. I didn’t understand why, until he was leaving and he muttered something about researching a book about the moon. It was then that I realized he had meant to have a séance with Neil Armstrong, not Lance. I already had his money though, so I didn’t say anything. Also, I don’t think he realizes that Lance Armstrong is still alive.”

–Katrina Van Pelt, Wiccan priestess.

“Fred Colton is a desperate no-name indie writer who paid me to review his book. I didn’t actually read it. But then I started getting into water cooler conversations about The Colony at work, and now I have to pretend I know what people are talking about. I should probably actually read it. People seem to enjoy it.”

–Reviewer-for-hire who goes by the freelancer handle “Quick Mick.”

“If pilots open this book in mid-flight, 747s will begin raining from the sky. It is now the stated mission of the FAA, due to the hyper-engaging nature of The Colony, to keep this book away from all airline pilots.”

–Michael P. Huerta, Director of the Federal Aviation Administration

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15 thoughts on “Praise for “The Colony”

  1. “I have actually paid for this book and downloaded it, making me an official Verified Purchaser on Amazon. This means that my Amazon review will carry more weight, at least with the people who bother to notice such trivial things, and the power of this inconsequential branding has given me a Nerd Boner that rivals the Chrysler Building. Of course, I haven’t actually read the book yet, because things get in the way, like working on my cosplay costume for Comic-Con (Wolverine in a gingham dress, natch) and endless rounds of sad and lonely masturbation. But I WILL read it soon, and I know Fred will blow my mind with the story, because he’s really tall and he’s not afraid to sleep with freakishly-big stuffed bears and he uses the work ‘fuck’ as often as most people breathe. I can’t wait!”

    Hexom Breen (alias)
    Esquire (not really)
    BonnywoodManor.com (real, but as Fred would say, “I banged it, not worth the cab fare”)

      1. Mea culpa. I was drinking a locally-brewed artisan beer (from a company that will probably go under in a week because they spend too much time on fancy packaging and not enough time on “does this crap actually taste good?”, you know how it goes) and things got out of control. I will now sit in a corner and think about my sins. And try not to masturbate because, well, Chrysler Building…

  2. I heard the Vatican teamed with the Templar knights in a quest to find the lost Book of Q which, when loosely translated is just the Spanglish translation of the Colony beamed into the distant past by our future Spanish speaking overlords. This book gives. Mexico the strength and financial resources to rise against Canada for world dominance in 2035. I don’t think it’s importance as a world history document can be overstated. -John Connor, defender of Earth

  3. listentothebabe, an unknown but brilliant blogger, read the book in one night. It was so thrilling she forgot she needed to use her glasses and ended up in the hospital for migraine treatment. Lesson learned: proceed with caution when reading this book. It gets its bloody hooks into you.
    – listentothebabe.com

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