My First Porno Shoot

She opened the door nude and said: do you like vag? Then she bent over. Close-up of an Aztec-patterned tramp stamp with a spider web of stretch marks laced through it. Points for it not being a butterfly. I was holding a pizza box and thinking: this is exactly how pornos start.

Someone inside the apartment laughed. It was a guy on a dumpster-dive couch who resembled Mr. Clean. His insouciant albino dick on display. No booze laying out but I could smell it. A camcorder on a tripod in the corner, one of the legs was shorter than the others. Amateur hour in the underworld.

I got the money and drove off. No tip. But at least back when I was blue collar things happened. You always got these little sparks from out of left field. Now my life runs off a Pleasantville script. Workdays performing G-rated educational theater for thirty Asian children, tense lunches with my Korean Brave New World co-workers. Stability: it sucks. A prison with extra pillows. There are no more stories on this peninsula. Blood from a goddamn stone. I’m supposed to stay here until March but I want to quit want to quit want to quit. I want to fold sheets in a hostel. I want to be a pedicab driver. I want to scrub off scuba tanks behind an El Nido bar and be the mistake that responsible white women make on their Instagram vacations. If I can man up and screw my balls on tight then I’ll drop my notice this week.

It’s a good thing I’m white, because underemployment is charming when you’re white. And legitimate misfortunes never befall white people.

Guess I’m gonna file this one under “clickbait titles.”

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8 thoughts on “My First Porno Shoot

  1. There is plenty of surprise antics of all kinds in my shop, its half the reason I love my job so much. I never did well with the mundane either.
    Good luck.
    I sadly will have an opening on my crew for next season if your interested.

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