Drunk Post: Cass Fresh

Hi, Internet. Your boy Fred here, reporting live from Seoul on Saturday night from outside a Ho Bar. Swag is turned up because of the suit and I’m loaded off some Cass. Cass is lightweight peasant brew, my friends sneer. Well yeah. But you seem to have forgotten that we’re peasants.

Flat-assed Korean girls everywhere. One has a hat that says I’M SWAG and another one has a hat that says QUEENS GET THE MONEY. Man the music in here is too loud. This rapper is telling me he’ll fuck my girl, without even trying, but then later in the same song he boasts she’s swallowing his ejaculate because she’s so wasted. Wait so why are you bragging. Any dude can walk into a club where women are drinking. Average dudes accomplish that every weekend. I want to totally flip the tables now and fuck a rapper’s girl and then blog about it. Watch your back, 2 Chainz.

So the mute beggar just came up and I gave him my small bills as per standard operating procedure. He never remembers me. Then another guy came up for a selfie because I’m tall and this made me angry. But it also pisses me off when people deny me attention because they resent my height. I guess this is a parable that proves I’ll never be happy.

Although I am kind of happy. I’m neither lonely nor broke and about one out of ten times I sit down to blog something good happens. Resisting the urge to feel guilty about it all; last Sunday I was happy and Googled the migrant crisis to bring me back down to Earth. Oof, that really did the trick. But shit, I gotta figure out next year. What job should I get and where. Money money goddamn fucking money. I remember after my first summer job I had like $2000. And since I was a kid with no bills, so you might as well double that figure. It was 100% pure spendable income. I had never had that much money before and I truly, literally, actually thought it was impossible to spend that much in a human lifespan. I miss being that stupid. At least there will always be drunkenness and that’s pretty close.


Author: Fred Colton

Fred is just another guy online.

11 thoughts on “Drunk Post: Cass Fresh”

  1. Sooo, out of curiosity, has anyone handed you their baby yet? (To take a picture of you together, mind you!). I remember lots of strange, but funny photo shoots with Chinese people when I was in China, including lots with babies and infants. So cute. But so weird.

      1. Chengdu, then moved down to Bi Feng Xia.
        Have you had family shoots as well? I had a Chinese man pushing his wife aside to pose next to me, then turned around to see his wife doing the same with my male co-worker :’) It’s so surreal some people act like that (although it was a huge boost to my self-esteem!)

      2. Haha yep–a few of those. China is where you can try out being famous in case you’re not if it’s for you. In my case I got pretty sick of is after two weeks.

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