Right, Thanksgiving

Didn’t happen this year. I live in Korea and my girlfriend is French and my friends are all Canadian or British except for Kyle but Kyle takes anti-social to Ted Kaczinsky levels. Ergo the day just kind of slid by. I was at work, my Korean co-workers screeching at each other like car alarms. Thinking guns in this country would be a great idea. Not saying I would EVER shoot up a school. Ever! But if someone else did, you know, then school’s out early.

So no Thanksgiving dinner and thank God for that. Dry, dry turkey and acidic cranberry sauce you can de-grease a car engine with. Pies baked by people who can’t bake. My Thanksgiving dinner was a bag of almonds and also a carrot/green-pepper smoothie and no booze; on the caloric level I am inherently better than you.

Not being home is a mixed bag. I’m just like you in that my family does kind of suck, but I do miss them. I miss the townies I came up with. I don’t miss the annual Chore-a-Thon. Up at 8 goddamn 30 a.m. to help mom in the kitchen, drive to the store three times throughout the day because people forgot key ingredients. I definitely miss trolling my relatives during partisan debates.

But really, Thanksgiving=whatever. It’s a hollow dry-run for Christmas. Christmas without the dopamine. I heard the Pilgrims started Thanksgiving but Lincoln rebooted it. I like history in general but both the Pilgrims and Lincoln have always felt shot-of-Nyquil boring to me. As boring and meh as the holiday itself. And Lincoln really did seem like kind of a smug fuck, didn’t he?

I’m thankful every day. Thankful for luck, for the random, statistical aberration that I am. One of the 1% of people who ever lived who spends eighty safe, warm years trying not to get fat. I think about it all the time. It goes beyond thanks. It’s almost a survivor’s guilt kind of thing.

Well that’s it. Also today I wondered if the turkeys pardoned one year just end up getting slaughtered the next year.




4 thoughts on “Right, Thanksgiving

  1. The turkeys die in about one week because we have engineered them to the point where they grow so fast that they have a coronary if they aren’t slaughtered first. I guess we do become our food. Also… shit I forgot, you sidelined me with the turkey question. Oh yeah, have you seen the Drunken History episode on Lincoln? F’ng hilarious.

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