Graduate School Personal Statement

 

Blame the weak winter sun and lack of Vitamin D for how much I despise the dumb kids this week. Two years we’ve been working on the past tense. They all still say: yesterday, I riding the bike. In Korea it’s legitimately impossible to fail English. Gentleman’s Cs for all. One time I said hello to a student and he started crying; he had no idea how to respond.

I need smarter students. I probably need a Master’s so I can get the golden handcuffs gig at a university. You, the School of Education, should give me this Master’s, without me having to jump through a single hoop.  You must simply hand it to me, because there’s nothing you can teach me.

I have over three thousand hours in the classroom. I am the pilot who knows turbulence, I am the warrior who’s battled the devil. What can you possibly show me. It would be your institution’s greatest honor if I filled a seat at your table, and paid your ass to do so. Motherfucker, you should be applying for me.

Regards,

Fred Colton

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