Killing Time At The Mall

I’m posted up in a Seoul TGI Friday’s with a Kloud brew. Sitting by myself with a beer and a blank mind is a joyful activity. These moments of nothingness are essential in a man’s life. I just want to be a quiet Neanderthal and to be left in silence. Thankfully I’m the only foreigner here, and even if I weren’t, I’ve got fuck off stamped on my forehead, so the odds of idle chit-chat with a stranger are pleasantly low.

Hmm. A Korean soldier with an assault rifle just casually entered into the bathroom and then casually walked back out. He wasn’t in there long enough to take a piss. This left me with a lot of questions. Who deployed a single, lazy soldier to search the bathroom at TGI Friday’s at the mall? And who was he searching for?

There’s a young couple near the bar. The boy is laughing his ass off as he tells his girlfriend a story but she’s not listening. He lost the war to her phone. But then again there’s not a man alive who can compete with the sparkle of a Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge. As soon as they make phones shaped like dicks, men are finished. This girl is checked out, but if she had a story, oh God, that guy would have to listen, deeply and carefully, forever memorizing every detail. I think this poor bastard is in the friend zone with his own girlfriend. I ponder their relationship. He talks, she sits there. Is this always how it’s always been? Or am I merely catching a glimpse of the doldrums that await on the other side of passion? Is he just a white noise generator for her? A validation machine? Is he the personification of a Facebook like?

Anyway. Sublime day so far. Hit snooze eleven times then slid out of bed at noon. Ate eggs and toast with pesto, then went to the café, then worked out, then jacked off for thirty long minutes to deaden the dick nerves. Because lately, I haven’t been jacking it as much, so I’ve been too sensitive in bed and have to keep slowing down and making those stupid squinting faces and breathing fast as I try to control myself. I hate regressing. Feels like I got busted down to JV.

Speaking of, my girlfriend should be arriving shortly. We’re going to see Kung Fu Panda 3. In the interest of going meta, I might wait until she’s on the phone and then tell her the story of how that girl ignored her boyfriend while she was on the phone, just to see how it plays out.


Author: Fred Colton

Fred is just another guy online.

3 thoughts on “Killing Time At The Mall”

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