When I was a kid all I wanted was to grow up to be an attractive man with money and a beautiful woman and friends in foreign cities to get drunk with. I got it all and of-fucking-course it’s not enough. Now I have this rabid lust to also be the most interesting and hilarious man in the world; any outcome besides that makes me a failure. My mind works as such: I make you laugh, and then hate myself for not making you laugh twice. I should get back into therapy.
Saturday was the last Big Night Out in Seoul. Rooftop drinking, good crowd. I knew the next-day photos were gonna be good for a combined gross of probably a thousand Facebook likes. It was my own goodbye party but I like being late to shit so I went out and spent 45 minutes buying wine before dipping back. It was fun, but then even if the party is rolling smooth some shit’s still gonna go sideways. Someone’s gonna get drunk too early. A night can never just be a night. There’s always drama, there’s always someone being a cunt. At least this time it wasn’t me. When I was a kid I thought we’d all grow up to act like stately motherfuckers. In reality we stay the same forever, we just get larger and taller, get old enough to drink and fuck.
Woke up the next day at 11:45. When I was a kid all I ever wanted was to sleep in on Sunday morning instead of going to church. Nowadays I just wake up feeling guilty I slept too much. And even if I’m not hungover, drinking still makes me feel old, sore, broke, and fat. I was hungover this time, but only emotionally, due the all the goodbyes.
Still got one last week of work to gut through before the bliss of unemployment. It’s Monday. Got my expectations sufficiently lowered, vat of coffee brewed. Work, man. It would be cool to just not have to go, like a senator. Hey, I’m gonna be gone for a year, but keep paying me. When I was a kid all I ever wanted was to grow up and have a good job. Why. Why do we teach kids to want jobs; I think that’s sick. A job is something that kills you, something you have to have because the capitalist worldview won out. When I was a kid I also desperately wanted enough money to buy some Pogs, and to see that movie Jumanji. I was an idiot back then, and nothing has changed.