Name: Frederick Maximus Colton*

Nationality: American

Date of Birth: Shared with Gerard Butler, Jimmy Kimmel, and the Crown Prince of Dubai

Occupation: Worstselling Author

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Brown

Height: 202 cm

Current Whereabouts: An alley in Hanoi, Vietnam

Twitter: @FColtonOfficial

*This is a fake name.


185 thoughts on “About”

  1. Hello there fake name Fred! Your introduction is a classic. In my former life as a member of the KGB I would have been the one chasing you. No worries now, I’ve joined a group known as SHH… (Seasoned Harlots Harem) and we too are in distress. We are being chased by a group of dirty old men wearing adult diapers and yelling at us while trying to hold their teeth in place. Uggghhhh… and you thought you had it bad…

  2. I was last seen drinking a truck load of soju in Gangnam…well, Daegu to be specific.

    Left Korea now but the image of a waegook driving through that pretentious area of Seoul raised a smile where many others have failed.

    Gumbet, fella.

  3. Dear Fred,
    Today I found out i had 100 crazy followers & you are one of my personal favourites. & that made me smile as I am not very important or clever person. It’s also Valentine’s Day in this part of the universe. SO I thought i’d write and say a huge thank you personally for your support and for finding some interest in my thoughts and what i write. And as its valentines day, i hope you find yourself surrounded by pleasure and fun and lots of crazy happy love! from one human to another! πŸ™‚

    Thank you,

  4. I used to live in Incheon (Songdo, really). I’m going to follow your life in Korea and live through your experiences now πŸ™‚

  5. Thank you for reading through my blog, You Should Write a Book, and deciding to follow. I hope you find the honesty there enjoyable. I look forward to looking through more of your blog. Cheers!

  6. Hi! I just saw that you took the time to look at my blog and follow! That means a lot! You also have a great blog! Really like your about page and what you talk about. You seen to discuss many important and funny things! You have a new follower!


  7. Thank you for following my blog, I’ve enjoyed reading through your blog, your writing voice is really distinctive funny and sarky, I hope that when I find mine, it’s at least half as entertaining.

    1. Thanks Marin! And I’ve enjoyed reading through yours. Voice is one of the hardest things to find and I’m still working on it. But you also seem to be on the right track.

    1. hey Fred, thanks for visiting my blog. I love your attitude but have to quibble with the worst selling author claim. There’s an awful lot of us out here with finishd books that can’t find a buyer…

      1. Hey Cassandra–I’m afraid that label is inaccurate. I have some books ready to go but I have no buyer either. I just thought “wortselling author” would be a good description of myself for when I actually do start putting stuff out there–which should be soon I hope. Carry on!

  8. Okay Fred,
    I saw above that you are the self-described worst-selling author. I think you have a great “voice” and talent, and I’m addicted to your blog, so….. I went looking for your book and couldn’t find it. I actually LOOKED for it, so I could BUY it.

    1. Dear someone–this comment made my year already. (It’s already 2015 in Korea). Books will be out soon, getting the first one edited and proofed now. But you won’t have to buy it, with a comment like that I’d be glad to hook you up for free. Thank you, and Happy New Year. Keep doing what you’re doing.

  9. Thanks for following my blog..” thru black-framed glasses” I’m new at this game.. Looking forward to reading your work..

  10. Thanks for following the “Dark Matter” blog. I took one look at yours and said, “ah…my kinda people.” Looking forward to reading.

  11. Thanks for the follow. I’ll keep this short. You followed me, so I read some of your posts. I like your style. You write the shit out of some words. I’m going to call you Ace. I’ve got your back, Ace.

  12. Thanks for following my new blog Busy.Writing.Life. You got me with “…scarf tied like a noose.” I’m definitely looking forward to future posts.

  13. Your posts are hilarious and wonderfully sharp, so okay, definitely want to follow and see what will pop out next! Thanks for the follow.

  14. I love the way you have your about page. It reminds me of a dating portfolio or something. πŸ™‚ About 9 years ago, I was stationed in South Korea for a year. It was a very interesting place to be although Seoul scared the crap out of me mostly due to not ever having lived in a big city then of course everything being in a language I didn’t know. Me and my friend got lost too so that didn’t help. Lol. Good times. Soju is awesome although it can kick your butt, because it takes some time for it to sink in. I remember my first time drinking that stuff. Well, I remember parts of it. Haha!!! Thanks for following my blog, and good luck with your future excursions.

  15. Followed you back! Your blog’s distracting me from work though, but in a good way. Good being a matter of perspective …

  16. Thanks forstopping by my blog and liking it enough to give it a follow. Enjoyed reading Thanksgiving and Blazers and shower shoes – keep thinking like that – seeing the world through a distorted lens is what makes it good and interesting – at least that’s what I think!

  17. I shall be one of the many people to comment and tell you thanks for following my blog!! Yours seems very interesting as well as funny and I for sure am going to follow back! Can’t wait to see more from you soon (:

  18. Thanks for the visit and the follow! I enjoyed reading a few of your posts – very funny! I’m looking forward to more. πŸ™‚

  19. I guess I just became a Fred fan, thanks for sparing the time to click on that little follow button. You have an interesting blog, you’re also funny and I look forward to future posts. Cheers.

  20. Greetings Mr. F. Maximus C.,
    Hey, thanks for stopping by and clicking ‘Follow’ at my dingy little corner of the webiverse. I have reciprocated – because that’s what I do – and look forward to reading your blog as the future accelerates around us and past us.
    All the best!

  21. Thanks for the follow, Fred. Wish I had some advice on how to get girls, but sadly I’m in your league other than getting lucky and finding my wife 36 years ago. Best of luck with your blog.


  22. Fred, tks for following my blog. Read a few of your essays. Your writing seems publishable in magazines and if expanded, as short stories. Tough to break in as you know. Did not notice anything about S. Korea, although I likely missed it. Don’t miss being single- lot of work. If you find a good friend for life it may not be heaven, but it is a long way from purgatory or hell. Keep at it!

  23. Thanks for the follow. Sorry about your cold. Please.
    I don’t have any requests. I just wanted to use all the ‘magic words’. I look forward to reading more from you. Have a great day! Cheers.

  24. Fred, Thanks for following FIGHTER FAITH. I’m providing a free copy of my e-book Far Better Men to service members, veterans, and e-mail subscribers. Come on back if you’re interested in this free digital download.

  25. Looking forward to reading through your posts. I’ve always wanted to live and work in a foreign country but it’s never happened. I blame society. Thanks for the follow back!

  26. Hey Fred! Thanks for finding and following my blog; happy to return the favor! How did you find me, how was your reading experience? Come back soon, leave a comment or two if you like! Have a great day.

  27. Hi Fred, thanks for stopping by. Your visit has allowed me to discover your very funny blog so thank you very much. I look forward to reading all your posts πŸ™‚

  28. Hi Fred! Thanks for following Candle and Quill! You might also like another blog I write (http://stephaniehuesler.com/), all about, well, writing… all those nuts and bolts we use to get a story across. πŸ™‚ So we wanna know: Did you get away with the pickup truck full of empty soju bottles?

    1. Well well, would you look at that! VIB nominee can now go on my list of insufferable brags. Thanks for that validation, miss, it means a lot. I’m checking out your blog right now–keep it up.

  29. Annyong Haseo Fred. I had the pleasure of visiting SK while my daughter taught English there about 4 years ago and was delighted by their culture, a mix of naivete and intelligence, fascinating. Have you hiked the Jangsan yet? I am proud to say I made it to the peak!

  30. “The #1 Blog of All Time”.

    Bless you, Fred – I’ve been searching for it all over creation and it just shows up magically in my New Notifications.
    I’ll be damned.
    And HE’s following ME?!??!??!?
    This is cause for celebration.

    Thanks for the follow and for saving the time I otherwise would have had to spend finding your ass.

    Looking forward to pouring through your words, joining each other’s journey.
    Take care.


  31. Hi Fred, thanks for the follow! I read few articles from your blog. It is humorous. I’m following your blog as well.

  32. I actually came here to look at your picture..no..*coughs*…to thank you for the follow. I’m speculating the many insidious reasons you may have had for doing this. Your writing is spectacular. I will follow blindly. I should go now, I’m writing another pretentious poem. I’ll close the door on the way out.

  33. Ah … a teacher of ESL (or whatever it’s currently being called). I would never have had the courage to go to Asia: the thought of trying to teach English according to strange, made-up rules rather like game rules in a country where the language is entirely incomprehensible was always beyond me. Still, blokes are meant to have more courage. And strength. And muscle. I like blokes. πŸ™‚

  34. Thank you for visiting my blog and for the follow. Now I get to reciprocate, and it looks like reading the work of your mind is going to be a blast.

  35. Your real name sounds more euphonious when said by native German speakers. They soften the consonants. You know who this is, yes?

  36. Thanks for following my blog. Now I’ve found yours, which is great. I need to point out one mistake, though. MY BLOG is the best blog in the world. Yours is #2.

      1. Aw, shucks. You called me “miss” rather than “ma’am.” You just made me feel 20 years younger. For that, I’ll let you be #1.

  37. Thanks for following my blog! I actually taught and lived in South Korea last year, so I’m interested to hear that you’re there now. Looking forward to keeping up with your posts!

  38. Hanyasayoh, Fred Colton! Hope all is lovely in South Korea. Thanks for following my blog, too, I love creating connections with people in places I plan to visit! Love what I read on your main page…looking forward to more. πŸ™‚

  39. Hello Fred! Nice to meet you. Thank you for visiting my blog and following. I gladly return the favor as I would like to learn more about your blog. Have a great day! πŸ™‚

  40. Hello Fred, Thank you for stopping by ritaLOVEStoWRITE and for the follow. Have you been playing along with the Writer’s Challenge? I hope you’ll send in something you’ve created! Keep up the good work on this blog… and keep writing. Cheers, Rita

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