I didn’t go out last night which feels great today. I knew I’d have a good day if I stayed in, so last night I jacked off three times in an hour to kill my dick and make sure I wouldn’t go out prowling. It’s a good life hack. A jack hack. I got everything done today.
It’s late on Sunday in Asia and I go back to war in a few hours. Just wanna finish this post first. I gotta feed you animals and keep my BRAND propped up and slyly redirect you to my Instagram.
I can tell you right now that this post won’t be as good as the average Colton post, because I’m too busy to spend my requisite few days on the process of getting it right. So busy, so fuck art. Three jobs. 4.5 hours of sleep each night or something like that. Except on Saturdays, when I sleep until about 3.00 pm. That lie-in is my weekly resurrection. When I get up I feel like I can run through a brick wall.
So busy. Got the money train in top gear. My social life is collapsing but I’m too busy to care. I still have girls who will sleep with me at the drop of a hat since I’m so busy, because when you’re busy your absence makes you seem mysterious. I’m working on videos and I have this secret blog and I’m working on some other shit and so I have a superiority complex when I regard my peers, which isn’t the best thing, but to be fair is much better than having an inferiority complex. I’ve had an inferiority complex before, and that is like being in Hell before you actually die and go to hell. Be arrogant if you can. It’s good.
I’m so busy. But then the money comes and you remember what it’s all about. Last Friday I replaced my old laptop with the flickery screen, and that felt good. Today I replaced my old motorcycle helmet that had half the padding missing. Materialism gets a bad rap on memes and whatever but it can really turn your shit around, let me tell you. I’m sitting here with a beer in a mug so cold it could have been just pulled out of cryo freeze. I have this beer and a roll of cash from my third job in my pocket. Let me say again – money feels good. I completely empathize with all corruption and all manner of criminal activities. I’d be a criminal too if I were smarter and/or braver.
Today I’m 30 and a half. Today is also Mother’s Day. My mom is a babe. Her genes are the reason I still look 29 and a half, instead of 30 and a half. If I never drank I’d look 25. But dude, you gotta drink. Drinking is good. Don’t you realize what I’m saying? Everything is good. This is the new me. The positive me, the sunshine-and-poodles me.
This is my second year in Hanoi. 2017 was pretty bad, a long chain of minor disasters, as I kept trying and failing to find my big boy pants. My development was severely arrested. The first part of 2018 wasn’t great either. In my memory this time period will forever be filed as The Dark Ages.
Now I’m better, now I’m good. I do more now. You don’t need any advice except: do more. Just do more. That’s it. When in doubt, do more.
Doing this 2018 thing is like replaying a video game level, knowing what I didn’t know before. I got the cheat codes I know where the ambushes are. I’m ready. I have more money more friends more girls a better house a better bike than last year. And a better haircut. I also get more dopamine this year because I’m now on Instagram. I’m a better writer now – my vocabulary isn’t as deep and my takes aren’t as hot, but I’m a sharper editor. I’ve eased off the illegal substances. It’s just, it’s… all smoothing out. I’m not bragging, I’m trying to express my gratitude now, in case something shitty happens. Maybe someone is out there praying for me. Or maybe one of my prayers from a long time ago finally kicked in. Who knows. There’s no prayer activation timeline in the Bible.
So busy. I can only lift twice a week instead of four times, as I did in 2017. So this year I have smaller biceps. Last year my bicep veins could be seen from space. So on second thought maybe 2017 was better.